Posts Tagged scotch

Scotch: It’s Cake for Men

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly. . .

- Anchorman Ron Burgundy

This one goes out to all the ladies. If you have a man who loves Scotch, my hope is that maybe what follows will help you to understand him a little better.

At the ripe old age of 36, I have become a Scotch Man.

I was previously a Whiskey Man, but I feel like I am part of a new club, as it were, you know, “running with the big dogs” now. I keep asking myself why it took me so long. I could have been enjoying it all this time. I guess it’s better to have found it late, then never to have found it at all.

My analogy for what Scotch means to me at this point in my life, goes like this:

Imagine that you have never had cake before in your entire life. Ever. No cake. None. Never in your entire life. Now, imagine going without it for 36 years, and all of a sudden you try it for the first time. Think about it. I mean, it doesn’t even have to be good cake. Imagine taking a bite out of that beautiful cake triangle. You close your eyes as you savor the taste. You find the most delicious combination of frosting and cake, and savor it over and over again. Isn’t that one of life’s little treats?

Cake.

It’s one of the most beautiful words in the English language.

That’s what Scotch is to me right now in my life. It too, is a new, delectable treat to be savored. The rosy fumes coming up from the glass, the taste as it goes down, the finish. The smell alone relaxes me. It’s a beautiful thing.

That’s the good news. . . . There’s one little problem, though. Let’s go back to our little cake analogy.

What would you want to do after you have tasted cake for the first time? . . . .

That’s right, you’d want to try every possible flavor of cake on the planet. Chocolate with Chocolate frosting, Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting, Raspberry Marble with Vanilla Frosting, and the ever-popular “Death by Chocolate” Cake.

“Why is that a bad thing,” you ask? Well, let’s apply this idea to trying out every Scotch on the planet:

Have you ever looked at the price tag on a good bottle of Scotch? If you have been reading my posts, you know that I’m the type who enjoys the finer things in life. A cheap $10 bottle of Scotch simply won’t do. . . . No. . . . I’ve got to try all the good stuff. The 18+ year Scotches. You know, the Scotch that at one point flows over the thighs of virgins as part of the distillation process.

I mean, I’m fucking loaded, but I’m not that loaded. I’m not the type that can afford to bathe in the stuff.

Mmmmmmmmmmm. . . .  Scotch bath. . . . . . . . . .

Anyway, my plan is three-fold:

  1. Buy the good Scotch as I can afford it, and drink it only on the weekends. In other words, put myself on a Scotch ration/budget, which is either fucking awesome or horribly pathetic, depending on your attitude about booze.
  2. Order Scotch at bars to try out different brands, which is still expensive on a per-glass basis, but at least I’m not blowing ~$100 per bottle on it.
  3. Get advice from you people. Suggestions are, of course, welcome.

So that’s my plan anyway.

It’s very exciting for me, and it really enhances my life. I can’t wait to try out new Scotches. It’s an adventure for me.

Well, it’s getting late and I have a Scotch bath waiting for me. See you next time.

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Bryan’s Cigar List

Want to know what real men smoke? Well, your brother Bryan is here to help.

I’ve smoked a wide array of cigars. And here are some of my favorites. I’ll order these in 3 price grades: Low  ($6 – $15 per cigar),  Mid ($15 – $20 per cigar), and Pretentious Douche ($21+ per cigar). Except for my take on the Davidoff, the descriptions are taken from the cigar’s official websites:

Low:

  1. Ashton 8-9-8 – (Mild) Ashton 8-9-8 Natural cigars are blended with only the most select, fully-aged Dominican tobaccos capped in silky, sweet-smelling Connecticut Shade wrappers. Patiently handcrafted at Tabacalera A. Fuente in the Dominican Republic, Ashton cigars are marvelously mellow and creamy for a truly luxurious smoke.
  2. Kristoff Ligero Robusto – (Medium) Assembled with only the finest master blenders of cigars today, the Kristoff Cigars are made with the spirit of Cuban Cigar making in mind. The entire line is fashioned with only the best Cuban-Seed tobacco from Nicaragua. The wrappers are Habano Cuban-seed. The Fillers and binders are both Nicaraguan and Dominican. Because of the quality of the construction and tobacco used in making the Kristoff line of Cigars, each cigar is a model of cigar perfection. The wrappers are smooth – yet have a rustic, flavorful look. The Corojo Kristoff has a corojo wrapper and the Maduro Kristoff has a Brazilian wrapper. Most avid cigar smokers taste coffee, pepper, and toffee in these cigars. The draw is nice and the burn on the cigar is even. These are truly great cigars that are meant for aficionados. A true taste of cuba in cigar legal in the USA!
  3. Oliva Connecticut Series Torpedo – (Mild) Oliva Reserve Connecticut cigars offer you the rich, earthy flavor of prime Nicaraguan longfiller tobaccos balanced by a silky, mild-tasting Connecticut wrapper. Starting with a mellow, nutty base, the smoke is incredibly creamy, then smoothly builds into a pastiche of sweet wood flavors, notes of coffee and a light dash of pepper in the mix. Presented in 5 popular shapes, these are great ‘start your day’ cigars that can be enjoyed anytime. One of Oliva’s best cigars to-date. Order some now.

Mid:

  1. Ashton VSG Torpedo – (Medium) For those who desire a powerful and intoxicating flavor with a complex rich finish, look no further than the Ashton VSG. The VSG is blended exclusively for Ashton by Carlos Fuente Jr. using 4 to 5 year old aged Dominican tobacco taken from the finest and most fertile plants. The distinct flavor of VSG comes from its wrapper grown on a private estate in Ecuador owned by the Oliva family where this proprietary wrapper leaf is grown for the Fuente Family exclusively for Ashton VSG. The leaf is taken from the higher primings and matures slowly by sunlight filtered through the region¹s natural cloud covering. The result is the rich intoxicating wrapper which has made the Ashton VSG the most in demand cigar on the market today.
  2. Rocky Patel Decade Torpedo – (Medium) Perfection takes time. For the Rocky Patel Decade, it’s the perfect blend 10 years in the making. The silky Decade showcases a gorgeous, dark Sumatra wrapper surrounding a secret blend featuring only the finest tobaccos in the world. The result is a rich and toasty medium- to full-body smoking experience. Complexity, balance and elegance earned the Rocky Patel Decade ratings of 91, 92, 93 and 95 points – an instant classic.

Pretentious Douche:

  1. Ashton ESG 22-Year Salute Torpedo – (Medium) For twenty years, Ashton has worked tirelessly to produce one of the highest quality, most consistent cigars that are sold anywhere. To celebrate twenty
    consecutive years of increased sales and overall growth, Robert Levin and Carlos Fuente Jr. have teamed up to create the Ashton Estate Sun Grown, or ESG for short. Such a special occasion called for a very special cigar. The ESG uses a unique Dominican wrapper grown on the Chateau de la Fuente farm in the Dominican Republic. This wrapper has never been used on any other cigar. The blend is the creation of Carlos Fuente Jr. who is a master blender and has created the most sought after cigars in the world. With ESG the bar has been raised once again.
  2. Davidoff Millenium Blend Churchill – (Mild-Medium) FUCKING EXQUISITE!

As you can see, Ashton is one of my favorites.

All of the above are great for any occasion, but I only occasionally smoke the “Pretentious Douche” category for obvious reasons.

All of the above also have some good tastes when combined with various spirits. Whiskey, Scotch, or Wine are always good companion drinks. They cleanse the palette to allow for a more tasty smoke with each puff. Scotch in particular.

Speaking of which, my drink of choice as of late has been Scotch, about which you can expect a post coming up soon.

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