Posts Tagged kids

Why I Don’t Have Kids

I’ve compiled a list of reasons why we don’t have kids. Here they are: Kids are money-leeching, whiny little germ factories. Ask any parent. So I can keep having sex, smoking cigars, drinking, and swearing. I am sure my life will be shorter, but alas, I will fortunately miss out on those miserable last 10 […]

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The Cheese Touch

Last night at dinner my boys, aged 7 and 9, started doing something called “The Cheese Touch”. With fingers crossed, they would poke each other in the chest or shoulder and say “CHEESE TOUCH” and then laugh uncontrollably. Then the other one would do the same thing back and the process would repeat itself. Being […]

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They Grow Up So Fast

I have two children. My daughter is seven and my son is four. I have the “rich man’s family” but I am still waiting in earnest for that rich part to happen. They bleed me dry, I tell you. From an unbiased opinion, they are smart, beautiful and funny children. This opinion has been verified […]

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From the Mouths of Babes

If you’ve read my bio, you’ll know that I have 5 kids. No, I’m not Mormon or an orthodox Jew. Yes, I know what causes that to happen. My wife just wanted a big family and it’s not my fault that she digs my flava. Don’t be hatin’. I will admit that it’s a bit […]

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