Archive for category Fatherhood

How I Made Dad Proud

After reading my dear friend Chuck’s account of his colonoscopy, I was reminded of an event that will forever be etched into my brain.  Although Chuck still has that portion of his brain intact that allows him to edit himself, sparing you all from the horrid details of his excrement adventure that day, I am […]

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Where Have All the Cartoons Gone?

I have an two year old son, and years from now when he is getting ready for school or just getting home from school, I wonder what will he will be watching? In the good old days, I woke up to Gobots, the poor man’s Transformers and as I got a little older came home […]

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Why I Don’t Have Kids

I’ve compiled a list of reasons why we don’t have kids. Here they are: Kids are money-leeching, whiny little germ factories. Ask any parent. So I can keep having sex, smoking cigars, drinking, and swearing. I am sure my life will be shorter, but alas, I will fortunately miss out on those miserable last 10 […]

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The Cheese Touch

Last night at dinner my boys, aged 7 and 9, started doing something called “The Cheese Touch”. With fingers crossed, they would poke each other in the chest or shoulder and say “CHEESE TOUCH” and then laugh uncontrollably. Then the other one would do the same thing back and the process would repeat itself. Being […]

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The Next Generation

No, this is not a Star Trek diatribe comparing and contrasting the numerous iterations of the series, movies, favorite captains, sexiest aliens or worst plotlines. This is about our own time machine, our memories, and how our children are experiencing a new world. The other day, I read an article on Wired.com titled “100 Things […]

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Firsts and Seconds

We go through thousands of firsts in our lives. The first kiss, the first love, the first time you saw an acid base reaction, wait that one is just me. I recently took my son to get his first haircut, no tears by the way, and it got me thinking about all the other firsts […]

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Fat Guy Runs a 5K

Back in February, right around my 38th birthday, my oldest son told me that he wanted me to run my town’s “Father’s Day 5K”. Initially, I was less than pleased about it. You see, my motto in life was simple, “Only run when being chased.” For me, to get my fat ass off the couch […]

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They Grow Up So Fast

I have two children. My daughter is seven and my son is four. I have the “rich man’s family” but I am still waiting in earnest for that rich part to happen. They bleed me dry, I tell you. From an unbiased opinion, they are smart, beautiful and funny children. This opinion has been verified […]

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From the Mouths of Babes

If you’ve read my bio, you’ll know that I have 5 kids. No, I’m not Mormon or an orthodox Jew. Yes, I know what causes that to happen. My wife just wanted a big family and it’s not my fault that she digs my flava. Don’t be hatin’. I will admit that it’s a bit […]

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Psycho Circus

Recently, I loaded up the family truckster and took my wife and 5 kids, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and their 3 kids, my parents and my wife’s parents, to see the Greatest Show on Earth. We actually brought our own circus to the circus. The show was great, with only a few detractors. In front […]

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