Rant Alert: If You are Not an Expert, Then Shut Your Cake Hole

I am working my way through How Markets Fail: The Logic of Economic Calamities (Audiobook) on my iPod. As I listen to it I can’t help but think about the News “experts” who claim to know how to fix the economy. Most of them haven’t even taken so much as an Econ 101 class and they make mind-numbing statements such as, “All we have to do is cut taxes and that will fix our economy.” And, they usually say it in this condescending tone like we’re all idiots for not coming to the same conclusion.

I will be the first to admit that I am no Economist, but one thing the aforementioned book has taught me is the basics of what Economists have to consider as part of their research, and it is mind-boggling. I have concluded, as a result, that if you don’t have your PhD in economics, you have no fucking idea what you are talking about and should shut your fat cake-hole.

But it’s not just on the News, it’s in everyday conversation, and it’s not just the economy, it’s everything else too. Health Care, Global Warming, and the “big whammy”. . . The Bible.

Yes, I went there. Pause for awkward silence.

If you’re a fat guy and you find yourself saying something like, “All we have to do to fix Health Care is . . .” – Stop right there, and start by getting on a treadmill every once in a while, you fat fuck. One main reason Health Care is broken is because assholes like you eat enough Cheesy Chili Curly Fries throughout your life to kill a small village and then wonder why the fuck you have sleep apnea and colon cancer.

Another example of pure idiocy: There was a “Doctor” on Fox News who said, “Exercising Makes You Fat.” I’m not kidding. His “reasoning” was because a new “study” had “proven” that people get hungry after they exercise. That may very well be true, but, Doctor Asshole, don’t forget that exercising speeds up metabolism and most people smart enough to exercise are also smart enough to eat a banana instead of downing an entire fucking bundt cake.

His advice? Don’t exercise. Just keep sitting on your ass watching Fox News so you can mainline their right-wing propaganda. And for the record, I don’t watch the left-leaning MSNBC either for the same reason. I will think for myself, thank you very much.

So you think man-made Global Warming is a conspiratorial hoax, huh? If you really believe that, then that only means one thing: you don’t trust scientists. If you don’t trust scientists, do me a favor – turn off your computer, sell your mp3 player, sell your car, sell your TV, and cancel all your utilities. You are hereby banned from using anything science has created for the rest of us rational human beings. Have fun reading about those right-wing conspiracies by candlelight, asshole.

Another set of “experts” are preachers who attempt to interpret The Bible by going back to the “original greek.” I am not sure when this practice started, but I’ll bet some asshole preacher somewhere along the line said, “Hey, we’re really getting killed on all these contradictions in The Bible, why don’t we just tell people when they call us on it that ‘if you go back to the original greek, that’s not really what it means’.” And now every evangelist and down home preacher spends their sermons attempting to “translate” Greek Biblical phrases to their audience. And you idiots eat it up like those aforementioned Curly Fries.


It’s kind of ingenious in a way, but still, nonetheless deceptive.

Do you know how long Biblical scholars spend on learning these languages and matching them up with historical occurrences? Do you know how many painstaking hours people like Bart Ehrman spend on trying to figure this shit out? A lot more than those preachers spend on those damn pamphlets from some church organization that “translates” “original” Biblical texts.

And I’ll break it down for you, Biblical Criticism suffers from the same downfall in “proof” that Literary Criticism has – you can make a case for downright anything and fool idiots into thinking it’s true. You can make a “translation” from some Greek word and have it mean just about anything.

That’s why they do it, dear Christians.

It’s getting hard these days for a freethinker like myself to trust anything I read or hear with all these “experts” spouting their shit. I sometimes lock myself into my house, pour myself a glass of my finest scotch, light up an Ashton ESG, and educate myself.

Some of the aforementioned “experts” should do the same.

The world would be a better place.