When word got out that I would be writing for this site, many of my female friends had a laugh about it. They asked me why I wanted to do something like this. Because I don’t think men have a voice anymore. They agreed (how perceptive of them). They then informed me that men have had a voice for hundreds of years and it was now the age of the female perspective. The oppression is over. Okay, but I don’t see how replacing one oppression with another helps matters. But let’s not worry about that right now. However, let me clear up a few things, though.


I’m forty years old. I had no hand in the hundreds of years of oppression they spoke of. At the very least, I wasn’t here for 160 of those years. A few of said women told me I am paying for the sins of my fathers. Oh really? My grandfather fled Poland with his wife in the early 1900’s to escape the grip of communist Russia and being drafted into the Russian army. Once here, he worked his ass off providing for his wife and 11 children. My father worked his ass off providing for his wife and three sons. In a time of “babies’ daddies,” every man should think about being as sinful and oppressive as my fathers. But once again, that’s neither here nor there. I must pay for their sins and not have a voice. But now that I’ve been afforded one; I’ll not waste this opportunity.


So, now here we are… the age of the Vagtastic Voyage. And look how well it’s going. Let’s review the score card. We had Thomas Jefferson and you had Weezy Jefferson. We had Mark Twain and John Steinbeck. You have Jodi Picoult and Janet Elefontthebitch (I think that’s her name). We had the funniest, wittiest person alive in Johnny Carson. You have Oprah and Ellen. An overweight black woman who kisses all the right asses and isn’t ashamed of it and a skinny, gay white woman who is undefeated in Rutger Hauer look-a-like contests. We have Whoopi Goldberg; you have everyone else on The View. And of course that includes the dried up one who talks like the teacher from the Peanuts cartoons. We have Barack Obama, and you have Thelma from Good Times. We have…okay, you win that last one. We have Batman, and you have Wonder Woman.


There is something about Wonder Woman that is amazing. She flew an invisible jet. I drive a visible car. I have gone on walkabout more than several times in a mall parking lot looking for that car. Never, in comic book or television series, did Wonder Woman ever aimlessly walk around looking for her fuckin jet. She also had a magic lasso that made you tell the truth once she threw it around you. All I ever had were some old neck ties and clothesline rope that I would use to… forget it.


So, I think you see my point. I’m not saying the only voice should be the male voice. I respect and honor the female perspective. In fact, it’s one of my favorite forms of amusement. But we need to hear from both sides. Not just one. We need that balance. We need the guys to not look at the map and have no clue where they’re taking us, and we need women to tell those guys they missed the exit five minutes after they passed it. Without both…we’ll never get anywhere.